I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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