I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
