Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
