You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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