made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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