does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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