so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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