One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
