:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I cockslap morals
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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