she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
