I'm lost and stupid without you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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