im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
