she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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