so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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