Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

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  (714): Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor. http://tfl.nu/w05t
  Replies (10) Good night (558) Bad night (4851) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world

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  (914): I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world http://tfl.nu/9m7n
  Replies (40) Good night (5647) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

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  (306): I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom. http://tfl.nu/90oj
  Replies (32) Good night (1234) Bad night (4775) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...

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  (804): he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ... http://tfl.nu/7lew
  Replies (30) Good night (3898) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation

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  (443): I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation http://tfl.nu/w8jm
  Replies (76) Good night (7507) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5567) Bad night (858)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.

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  (360): Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up. http://tfl.nu/js3s
  Replies (14) Good night (4987) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?

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  (360): It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink? http://tfl.nu/zyp6
  Replies (5) Good night (934) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2560) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm trying to make a sex playlist

  (916): View more from California

  record yourself crying and put it on a loop.

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  (510): I'm trying to make a sex playlist (916): record yourself crying and put it on a loop. http://tfl.nu/f4y5
  Replies (12) Good night (3135) Bad night (1113)
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  (415): View more from California

  Feeling better?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.

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  (415): Feeling better? (720): I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day. http://tfl.nu/80q2
  Replies (4) Good night (1435) Bad night (529)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.

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  (610): first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/lsrh
  Replies (6) Good night (2367) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself

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  (773): I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself http://tfl.nu/rzza
  Replies (1) Good night (744) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.

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  (901): I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad. http://tfl.nu/k439
  Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.

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  (269): I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning. http://tfl.nu/k0jr
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt

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