You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.