You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life