i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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