my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.