So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
