I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
