Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want nice things and good sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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