Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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