Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
