Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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