I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
