you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
