I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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