you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
