I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
