first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
