I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
