This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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