I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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