dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to calm my uterus...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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