Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
