its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
