I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
