I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
