Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Even my vagina gasped.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
