"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
