I wish my penis had an off switch
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A+ Viking dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
