too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
