I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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