I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
