he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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