If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.