I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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