Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.