some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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