I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.