i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it