shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
