Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
