I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
