Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
