i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
