on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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