so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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