And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
