My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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