He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
