It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
