Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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