we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
