His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
