I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
