I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me I should be a condom model.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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