I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
