he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
