Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
