its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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