he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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