May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
