Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
