Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
