im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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