That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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