I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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