My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
