We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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