My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
