ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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